Why ab blame themselves?

Feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame are major emotions that continually arise for abuse survivors. This is often because gaslighting, a tactic used to undermine one’s thoughts, emotions, and perception of reality and the past, as well as blaming the victim, is often repeatedly used by perpetrators of abuse both to justify and continue the abuse. Author Julie Hall notes, “Victim blaming gains traction in families and society at large because it enables us to ignore disturbing evidence before us that the world can be a brutal, unsafe, and unjust place” (Hall, 2019, p.97). The problem with victim-blaming is not only that it is very damaging and traumatic for the survivor, but it also normalizes abuse, minimizes it, and protects the abuser. Individuals with a narcissist personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder may continually blame the victim for deflecting responsibility and weakening the survivor’s sense of self, challenging their reality, undermine their credibility, and attempt to maintain control and power.

Many abuse survivors continue to blame themselves for the abuse while the abuse is occurring and even after they leave an abusive relationship or situation. This is because of the powerfully detrimental impact abuse has on one’s sense of self and the fact that many of the negative messages from the abuser become internalized within the survivor’s mind. In other words, the survivor might be free of an abusive relationship or situation, but they might continue to unconsciously repeat these negative messages or blame themselves for what happened. If someone experienced abuse as a child, they might also blame themselves for the abuse and find themselves attracted to abusive partners. This might happen when a child grows up in an abusive environment because that child often considers the abuse normal until they have exposure to other families or environments that are not abusive. For these reasons, especially if abuse begins at a young age, the survivor might blame themselves.

Furthermore, behaviorism, a systemic and scientific approach to understanding behavior, has found that punishment can be used as a form of conditioning to foster desired behaviors. Many parents, institutions, and organizations have historically used reward and punishment systems to modify and control behavior. Many models and methods used in many organizations might reinforce victim-blaming, bullying, or minimize or cover up acts of abuse. These factors might lead to increased feelings of shame, guilt, or humiliation. However, professional support and counseling can help survivors of abuse begin to recover from abuse.