How can I get better control of my emotions?

I have been having an issue controlling my emotions. Specifically when I get angry. I get stressed and start to yell and or cry. But I know I over react after the fact.
Asked by BP
Answered
05/09/2022

Thank you for asking this question.  BetterHelp has a wonderful group of clinicians that are able to help you.  What you are describing is stuffing your emotions until they come out in your behavior.  I suggest to my clients to start with learning mindfulness - there is a free app called Mindfulness Coach that is helpful.  

I advocate for learning how to communicate your emotions more effectively.  Through journaling daily you can express the emotions you are feeling daily.  By going back and reading the journal entry either that day or reading them weekly, you can process what you were feeling and why.  

Even though you don't say it directly, often people stuff their feelings because they don't feel comfortable expressing their emotions.  Learning how to speak your truth in an assertive manner is essential.  However, if you are "always" shut down for expressing your emotions, you may not live in a safe place, so you yell and cry because in the environment you are in, it may be more acceptable to be angry than assertive.  This would not be a good environment for anyone and the counselors at BetterHelp can assist you in maneuvering this situation.

When you are yelling or crying - these are both behaviors - and behaviors are all about your method of communication.  By yelling - you are pushing people away - attempting to get space.  It is also about attempting to express yourself through your personal barriers.  The problem with yelling is that it puts people on the defensive and they often respond by yelling back.  This can escalate into a dangerous place if left unchecked.

Crying on the other hand, is you attempting to soothe yourself.  You have these bottled up emotions that are overwhelming you and instead of expressing them, you feel defeated and cry.  This encourages others to attempt to soothe you as well.  

Either way - you are not expressing your feelings in a manner that is effective and helpful to you or others around you.  Using BetterHelp counselors - you can learn how to be assertive and speak your truth in a calm manner, you can learn what your feelings are and how to express them effectively, you can look at your particular situation and determine if it is right for you or if there are changes you may need to make.  There are a lot of options for addressing your issues - the question becomes are you ready to begin counseling now.