How to control my anger?

I couldn't control my anger, I don't have patience, overthinking mostly negative thoughts, I'm in love but always fight between us. I want to control my mind. I want to live peacefully.
Asked by Akshay

Hi Akshay - thanks for reaching out and for your question.  Can you tell me how you express your anger, what you mean by not being able to control or manage your anger?  Do you act out physically, verbally, e.g. yelling or putting others down, etc...Additionally, how long has this been an issue for you?  Often, when one is overcome with anger, there is generally a primary emotion that precedes it even if one is unaware of it in the moment.  For example, one may feel hurt by something another person has said and instead of experiencing this hurt and responding to this emotion, one may immediately react with anger and lash out. 

Often, one learns these patterns through their upbringing where one was not given tools or strategies to manage uncomfortable affect such as hurt, pain, disappointment or frustration and learned that reacting in anger either at least temporarily addresses a situation or helps release and divert from the pain that one may have to face and experience.  I'd also be interested in what you mentioned about mostly overthinking 'negative' thoughts which may suggest a level of anxiety and/or depression that you may also be experiencing. 

You mentioned that you are in love though there seems to be a bit of conflict.  Are you able to communicate with one another when you are not feeling overaroused with anger?  Have there been any particular strategies that you have already attempted to manage your anger and/or emotions?  The final parts of your statement in the question about wanting to control your mind and be peaceful also suggest racing thoughts perhaps or difficulties in staying in the moment?  I wonder about how you witnessed or experienced important people in your past handling conflict and their emotions.  One often consciously and otherwise reenact the modeling from their childhood experiences from caretakers. 

Therapy may be a beneficial avenue for one to explore these topics, identify triggers to anger or other emotions being aroused and learn more healthy and effective ways to cope with them.  It is a sign of health that you acknowledge this concern and have reached out.  Hope this helps.