How can I become a better person

First I would ask that you be gentle with yourself regarding your struggle to go out in public to crowded spaces. Tell yourself it's okay and that you will not always be this way, and change takes time and should be eased into gently.

Begin with small changes. Could you possibly go into a grocery store and pick up a few things that you can carry in a hand basket instead of a cart (only 3-4 items)? Would it be possible to shop this way for several days instead of going to the store for everything at once? Plan to go when the store is less crowded.

What types of things did you once enjoy doing? If reading is one of those things, could you invite a friend to meet you at a local book store - they often sell coffee and tea, and spend a few minutes with a friend. Distracting ourselves in a social situation with someone we feel safe with is a good way to expose our body to anxiety without feeling the impact. After you have done this a time or two, go to the book store on your own when the traffic inside is light and stay for a little while longer, and after the crowd begins to file in, ride the anxiety wave by telling yourself you are fine and notice that the people are busy seeking a book, magazine, music or game, and they are not staring at you. Sometimes watching other people can be calming. After your attempts, write about the experience. Keeping a journal of how you have been able to walk through a difficult task is important for your growth. Being able to look back to see that you have done something that was once difficult and seeing your progress unfold on the pages through your documentation of how the task has become easier is the best way to challenge the negative thoughts that tell you you can't with proof that you can.

Finally I suggest addressing your core fear. Anxiety is a result of fear. Ask yourself (as the anxiety begins to grow) "What am I afraid of?" and respond directly to your fears by asking what evidence do you have that your fears will come true and then what is more likely to happen instead.

Good luck!