How do I help my boyfriend that has anxiety?

Hi Ara,

Thank you for your question.  It can be extremely painful to see someone you love suffering from a mental illness like anxiety.  It can also affect your life in negative ways.

Usually a place to start would be to explore what your boyfriend has already tried to remedy his anxiety.  Has he talked to his General Practitioner? Has he tried medication? Has he met with a counselor?  Has he tried exercise and diet changes?  Has he turned to unhealthy methods of coping like drugs?

I am also wondering if your boyfriend acknowledges that he has a problem.  If he does, is he willing to get help?  If he does not, do other people close to him see the problem (his parents, friends, siblings, etc.)?  If others see the problem, and he does not, would they be willing to discuss it with him?  This should be planned under the guidance of a mental health professional.

There are many effective treatments for anxiety that a trained counselor can help your boyfriend with.  These include challenging thoughts using a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach.  It would also be beneficial for a counselor to delve into whether your boyfriend has a trauma history, if his parents had anxiety, and issues like that.  There are certainly a number of relaxation and grounding techniques most counselors would be able to teach him.  You can also look these up on-line (search grounding techniques, mindfulness meditation, etc)

There are also numerous support and self-help groups for people dealing with anxiety; as well as for those affected by a loved one's mental illness.  Doing an Internet search for groups in the area where you live may bear results.

At the end of the day, you have to be honest with yourself and your boyfriend about what is acceptable to you and what you want.  Are you willing to stay in the relationship if he refuses help?  Do you have a deadline for him to seek help/make change?  Are you clinging on to how thing were but hasn't been for a long while? It can be a painful decision to leave someone who is suffering.  Ultimately, you are responsible for your own life and happiness.  Your own counseling can be very helpful in working through such issues and deciding what is best for you.

I wish you the best of luck and much happiness in your journey.

Sincerely,

Jim Grande, LCSW-R