How to deal with social anxiety?

Anxiety Management

I like the accountability of who is responsible for what happens in your life. I like that you say, "this is my thing." On the same note, I think that by looking at childhood, much therapy is done to understand where this inability to be fragile and show it to others comes from. We don't blame the environment but understand that our behaviors and the way we think are genetic and environmental. Our brains are grown according to, and therefore thrive in, the environment it is born into. With mom and dad, our origin family, we can both understand they did the best they could and also made mistakes. 

Much more could be said about all of that, but what is important is what you identified about yourself, or rather, what your mind tells you is the problem. One thing to realize about anxiety and where it comes from, we all have it. Animals have anxiety as well. The difference between humans and animals is that humans become aware that we get anxious, and animals don't. Humans know a situation where we get anxious and then they get anxious about the thought of it, and then anxious about getting anxious about the thought. So, you have anxiety, a biological response to stressors perceived or unknown. Now what? 

It's hard to say what's first, the chicken or the egg. Do you have anxiety and then have thoughts to make that anxiety make sense? For instance, if you are just sitting there, nothing is going on and you get anxious, isn't that scary? But if your mind makes sense of your mental health, whether that is anxiety or depression, through putting out thoughts from that feeling that make sense (think about worst-case scenarios, spiraling on negative possibilities, or that you might be the worst person in the world, unworthy of love). 

Or do you have thoughts that then trigger anxiety? What I mean by that is, if thoughts occur in your mind that convince you that you can't show people this side of you or else, or that you aren't worthy, then you get a body response causing us to withdraw. Not trusting people is the result of the inability to manage your emotions. The trick is accepting the feelings, bodily functions, and negative self-image. Yes, accept those worst parts of you, because they are still you and they need to be acknowledged. Acceptance is not agreeing with them. It is merely acknowledging they exist. Otherwise, when we deny or wish them away, they are in control. 

So, the next time you experience thoughts and feelings that convince you that you can or cannot do something I want you to ask "Why?" Why am I scared to be vulnerable? Recognize what happens next. You will notice thoughts that tell you things or provoke a feeling that gets you to react just as the body wants you to. I want you to take that anxiety, that depression, those feelings and I want you to give them the space they demand. Heck, I want you to name them, the thoughts, or a source for the thoughts and colors. I want you to say, "Jerry is back and telling me some messed up things about myself." Hey, anxiety and negative thoughts are a sharp star filled in with the color blue. Do you know what that does? 

It separates you from your thoughts and allows you to practice the skill of watching the leaves pass by on a stream. Imagine you have an idea, notice it, give it space in the universe, and then it floats by. You don't have to remedy or fix or make better all the thoughts tell you. You don't have to do anything; however that would be a boring life. Yet, on that note, we can't fear consequences when we live for what matters. There will be consequences for a choice; there will be cost. You need to determine what you want in life and see what is worth having the anxious thoughts for. 

Practice these things, and reread them. Notice your thoughts and do not let them take you hostage. 

An excellent book to read: Is The Liberated Mind: How to pivot toward what matters, by Stephen Hayes, a Psychologist to coined Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. 

Thank you