How to overcome the fear of doing what I want?

When achieving my goals becomes hard, or when I face failures. I get very anxious the next time I have to do it. I feel sick and down, or I procrastinate forever.
Asked by Warrior of the north

Hello! 1st, thank you for reaching out and asking this question. This is such an important step to take for your own mental health, wellness, and happiness. Our bodies are very much wired to naturally be motivated by 'wins'. When we experience a win, it reinforces that choice that we made. Failure doesn't produce the same motivation, naturally. 

If you have established what your goals are as well as the steps it takes to achieve that goal, the process can produce some anxiety. Remember that anxiety lives in the future or the past. Using grounding techniques can help you to regain emotional composure. This is the place where you can problem-solve or try new things with a more calm and clear mind. 

In order to begin to approach doing something new or something hard in order to reach our goals, answer the question for yourself: "Why do I need/want to achieve this goal? How will achieving this goal affect my life? How much do I need/want that end result?" Asking these questions can help illuminate things that you can utilize as motivation to accomplish the goals you've set for yourself OR inform you on ways you may need to adjust your goal to create reasonable steps for growth. 

You can also utilize your support network. Who do you have in the life that can partner with you on the journal of accomplishing those goals? Who can you talk to when you feel like you've failed or allowed your anxiety to overpower your will, that can speak to you in a defeated place and help you re-establish your footing to go back and try again.

At times, the change that sees for ourselves requires a "village" of support in order to overcome the personal challenges that stand between you and the life that you see for yourself. At times, you are better suited to communicate and journey through with someone to experience that "win" to strengthen you for the next journey. I hope this makes sense.  Establish your goals. Why did you choose these? What is the 'why"? (why is this goal necessary?) What is the block? ( what makes this scary or produces anxiety in you?) Find your tribe. Utilizing your support network in critical or difficult places can change the game for you in a very positive way. 


As always, utilize the support of a licensed therapist to help you talk through things that may be difficult for you so that you are able to continue to achieve the progress you have set for yourself. Good luck to you, moving forward! 😊