How can I stop just going through the motions and begin to enjoy life.

Hi Alfred,

Great question!  I have talked to hundreds of people a year, and everyone has a different idea of what brings them joy and purpose in life.  Mental health is living your life in line with your values and beliefs.  Sometimes those values and beliefs become unclear, and we need to redefine them.  Through therapy we can review what matters most to you and work our way down the order of importance.  When we investigate how you would like to live your life, we then need to ask if you are living in accordance with that value system.  If you are not, then that brings disatisfaction all around.

As you may already know, values come from our family of origin.  The formative relationships established during childhood become the framework on which we build our value system.  However, what becomes important to us as we grow up may change, and the values of our parents may become less important to us, or not important at all.  We begin to establish our own set of values, which may incorporate our family values as well as some new ones of our own. 

So, how do we begin to sort through what is important?  I like to first begin by establishing a foundation of what you think your parents valued, what someone important to you values, and the values you would like to live by.  These are all areas that we draw from when establishing our own values.  Next, ask yourself what values do you actually live by?  If they are not in line with the ones you would like to live by, that is a good place to start.  

We may have conflicting values that influences your uncertainty of how you want to live your life.  Mental stress or discomfort may occur when you hold two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas or values at the same time.  This is called cognitive dissonance, and may leave you feeling stuck.  If for example, you value tradition, family and community, but you no longer belief or want to follow the church you grew up in, you may experience mental stress.    

I hope this is helpful to you as you continue your own search and exploration of what drives you and gives you purpose.  Good luck!