How to regain motivation in life?

Hi there,

Ironically, you are not alone - by this I mean - in this feeling of loneliness and in your observations of how quarantine had an effect on your spirit.  I speak to people every single day about this because it has had an effect and it is hard to reset.   So for that alone it may be good to be a bit compassionate towards yourself.  

Humans are social animals - we need each other.  We have around 68 muscles in our face and neck - this is because over millions of years we have developed a fundamental way of connecting - not through speech but through what our face and body are saying.   Hugs for instance .. how much can be said and felt through a real honest hug?  How safe do we feel in that connection? Watching people in airports - no words, but hugs and embraces.  A smile - it makes others smile. Empathy - we feel what others feel.  There's so much more than words to communication. 

Everything you're saying points to a 'primal' need that isn't being satisfied.  That your connection to the bigger 'tribe' has been lost. And with it an impetus.  Often overlooked and sometimes more importantly the connection to our body - that gets lost too - it's the safe place where your brain and mind live. And it has been disturbed by all you've outlined.  

There are two types of therapy that can make us feel better.  Bottom up (body to brain) and top down (brain to body) both are needed in order to feel a balance and to heal.  So let's look closely at what you're saying within this context.  

Losing friends, lifestyle upsets (university and financial), isolation are all challenges you went through but - encouragingly you mention that now things have all gotten a bit better better.   However for an understanding it's important to know that in the wake of the stress and all of the changes and pressures in those areas brought a residual depression.

What is depression in this case?  It is as you diagnosed - a loss of joy.  Can't enjoy games, hobbies and getting sick, also tired.  Strength and motivation is gone. And there's a question how to get back to life and an active joyful life.

First step is to recognize that what happened to you was something that happened to many.  So this is why I said you're not alone.  And so many want change as you do.  We were put into a state of fear, compounded with isolation and the normal challenges of life still had to be maintained so it became an overwhelm. We retreated and it's hard to come out.    

Just as an animal who retreats into the back of the cave to recover, so it is with us.  Coming out is a slow and steady but importantly self-compassionate return.  Your reaction was appropriate.  Too much change, too much uncertainty and a deprivation of your joy.  So be kind to yourself with your resurrection to life.  What's something small you could do tomorrow?  As it's not about a big change it's just about changing direction.  

Could it be sending a message or even a meme to someone you've not connected with for a while? Going for a walk in a place you've fond memories.  Planning a trip in the summer.  Going to a comedy show with a trusted person (family or friend).  Watching a YouTube video about your hobbies, not necessarily doing them - yet - but preparing.   It's got to be a slow start. No shocks needed. Just peep out of the cave and see how it is.  One thing each day, small... and gauge how it feels.  Connection.  Smiling at a stranger in a store - or meeting with a friend you've missed - using one of the 68 muscles that are just dying to be used again.  

Finding bottom up therapy - movement and top down - memories.  Step into them and bring them to the future so you know where you're going and acknowledging your successes and that each day brings you a little step towards your goals.

And talking - that of course is a step in the right direction.  Taking the lid off the feelings and finding the words to express them.  Helps understand ourselves whilst at the same time connecting.  

Hope this helps for reflection as a next step to your first one - that of reaching out.  

Fiona