Why is it as women we go through the ups and downs of life?

Hi Diamond!  I'm Maya, one of the therapists on Better Help.  Welcome!  I hope today is an "up" day for you.  I'm not sure it's true that women go through more "ups and downs" in life, I think it's just perhaps that women are more vocal about it, as we do tend to be more relational and more verbally expressive as a group, at least that is my general perception.

By "ups and downs" I guess it may be possible that you're referring to both positive and negative life events that happen to you, and that happen to all of us.  But I have a feeling you're referring more so to your "up and down" (moody) emotional reaction to those events, or to random mood swings that don't seem to be tied to life events. If so, your question seems to be "why are women moody?" 

Well, for that answer, I think we need to first look at why people in general are moody.  Well, I think there could be 101 reasons!  Humans are very complex and multi-faceted after all!  But if we look at "moods" as just a state of (somewhat prolonged) negative emotion, such as sadness or anxiety or irritability... then the question becomes a bit simpler.  It becomes 'what causes us to have uncomfortable or painful (negative) emotions?'  Again, the causes can be many, depending on what type of psychologist or therapist you ask.  And a neurologist might have a lot to say about it too, as would a spiritual guru.  Things can be looked at from different angles.   But personally, I believe it's our THOUGHTS that give rise to emotions.  That's right, I do not believe that 'ups and downs" are caused by life positive or negative life situations.  Those situations can definitely be triggers of course!  But they do not directly cause the emotions/moods.  What generates our emotions is the quality of our thoughts! 

That's very good news, Diamond.  Because it means that you can literally CHOOSE your emotions (pick the pleasant ones!) by learning how to harness and direct your thoughts!  And that is what therapy is all about! 

What kinds of thoughts create pleasant emotions and moods?  Thoughts that are logical rather than irrational.  Thoughts that are positive or balanced rather than negative or over-reactive.   Thoughts that are empowered rather than hopeless or helpless.   Thoughts that are accepting rather than judgmental or  blaming.  Optimistic rather pessimistic.  It is sometimes hard to think about life in those ways, and that's where therapy can help a lot. 

Women do indeed have 'special' mood challenges... look up the symptoms of PMS.... pre-menstrual syndrome.... do you think it might describe what you're going through?  If yes, jump on to some reputable websites and blogs to find out some tips for dealing with it.  A therapist can help you deal with it too. 

Now of course there are more serious 'moodiness' issues as well, that can be experienced by both women and men alike, like depression, cyclothymic disorder, or bipolar disorder. A therapist can help you figure out what sort of moodiness you have, and that can point the way towards ways to fix it. 

You mention that you've been dealing with the 'ups and downs' more often, as you've been getting older.  And yet at age 30 you are (probably) not old enough yet to be experiencing the moodiness that is typically due to the hormone shifts in peri-menopause.  So I do have a theory (and it is JUST a theory) about why you may be feeling more moody now than you did in your 20's, Diamond!  I sense that life is generally experienced as "harder" for women in their 30's, because there is often more responsibility on the shoulders!  And more internal and external pressure to "succeed" whatever THAT means.  And just more accountability expected, since you're well and truly "grown up" now.   And many 30-something women begin to grapple with questions like "what's the meaning and purpose of life, and of my life in general?"  or "what do I really need to be happy?" or "what do I want to do with my work life?"   The ticking biological clock can be stressful too, for women who wish to have a child. All of this stress can be overwhelming.  And that can make it hard to "talk yourself into" the kinds of thoughts that will help you stay in a good mood.  The stress can make it all too easy to fall prey to the kinds of thoughts that cause those negative emotions and 'bad' moods.  Therapy can help you cope with stress and problem-solve! 

It's natural to want to ponder the "why" of things, as humans we are very curious creatures, but don't get too caught up in wondering "why" you feel or act the way you do, since the reasons can be many, and some of them may be quite hidden and hard to see.  Even if we are very talented at figuring out the reasons for things (or assuming that we have!) that insight might not get us very far, Diamond.  Because at the end of the day, we are probably going to have to learn to think and behave in different ways, to see the change in ourselves (or in our lives) that we want to see.  Insight alone will likely not be enough to get us there.  And guess what?  We can often make positive changes without even knowing 'why' we are experiencing a given challenge like moodiness.  So I say don't delay!... if you are bothered by those ups and downs, get the help you need today!  

Hope this answers your question, Diamond.  

Maya