Why is it that I struggle to get out of bed and all I want to do it stay there all day doing nothing

Hi Sammy. Thank you for sharing the question. It sounds as if you are doing your best to “power through,” but you are at the point where you are feeling so drained and exhausted that it’s tough to even start the day. I am so glad you are not trying to ignore these feelings, or minimize them. Caring for yourself is another way to take care of those wonderful relationships and express your love for your partner, family and friends. How much energy can you really invest in them when you have to work so hard to keep it together? And I suspect that they would greatly prefer that you allow them to support you, rather than pretending to be happy and putting on your game face. I encourage you to share how you are feeling with those who care about you. It doesn’t mean you are weak. Trust that they want you to show happiness because it’s the real deal, not because you are trying to protect them from the crushing sadness. If the situation was reversed, that is what you would want them to do!       

So you’re probably already wondering, “Is this depression?” It certainly could be. The symptoms you are describing are included in the diagnostic criteria for MDD (what used to be called "clinical depression"). Other symptoms include trouble concentrating, frequent tearfulness, sleep difficulties (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much), changes in appetite, loss of interest in normally pleasurable activities, withdrawal, feelings of sadness or hopelessness, and even irritability. And you don’t have to be experiencing all of these symptoms to be diagnosed with depression. The criteria require five symptoms, occurring almost every day and persisting for a period of at least two weeks.

However, I can’t overstate how important it is for you to avoid the temptation to self-diagnose or rule out depression on your own. There is a great deal of credible information available to the public, but information is not sufficient. Having a frank conversation with your healthcare provider about what you have been experiencing is critical to making sure the right thing is being treated, and you are moving in a positive direction. Even if you are reluctant to include medication in a treatment plan, the visit with your physician is important. The symptoms may be related to something else. There are several other conditions and even some medications that produce symptoms mimicking depression. Diagnosing and treating yourself, based on the information you find on the web (even this information), without talking with your healthcare provider, can be a dangerous game.   

After you have talked with your healthcare provider and have a better sense of what might be going on, there are evidence-based steps you can take to start feeling better. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a model that is often recommended as particularly effective in addressing depressive symptoms. A skilled therapist can help you learn ways to interrupt old thinking patterns and strengthen coping skills. Your therapist may also work with you to identify situations and thoughts that tend to trigger the sadness, and how to tap into that wonderful support system you describe when they arise. It is likely that you will also discuss how to build habits that support a healthy physical and mental lifestyle. 
 

Thank you for having the courage and the vulnerability to submit this question. You are far from alone. Many people struggle with similar kinds of feelings, but ultimately decide to just “tough it out.” I am so glad that you are not willing to settle for anything less than a happy, full life with those you love.