Ask a therapist > Depression > Why might I feel these ways and is there a way to feel how I used to, is something wrong with me?

Why might I feel these ways and is there a way to feel how I used to, is something wrong with me?

Life feels dull. I lack many emotions I used to feel. No passion or drive. I feel like life lost a certain sparkle to it. I don’t feel like myself ever. I don’t even know myself or who I am. My moods swing easily and tremendously. I’m never truly happy. I love to laugh but I barely do. I don’t like the way my life is either. I feel misunderstood and at a loss. I don’t really have friends or good connections. Nothing is seriously wrong with my life right now either, it just doesn’t feel okay or really happy. I feel like life lost it’s magic per say.
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Asked by Lyn
Depression
Happiness
Answered
05/14/2022

What you are experiencing is so very common. you are not alone in this at all :)

Sometimes we can feel this way and it can be chemical, hormonal, or maybe there are some unhealed wounds that are there but don't feel like they are the issue. Sometimes we can feel this way and it is because we don't have the social supports (friends, family, mentors) that can help clap us up. From what you have shared, it sounds like there is an element of feeling not supported as well. Therapy is a safe space for you to unpack those things that are weighing on you. It can help to unload and be vulnerable with someone who is able to also validate your experiences. What you think does matter. What you feel does matter. 

The other thing mentioned is the idea of losing self. I would bet that you actually haven't lost self. I would bet that maybe the pieces of self are there- but are murky or blurry to a point that you cannot identify them as easily. Remembering who you are could very well be the antidote to what you are feeling. So often, many people come to therapy with depressive symptoms or symptoms of anxiety- underneath all of that- the real issue is losing sense of self. Once we reconnect with those pieces, then you may very well feel some sort of relief. 

One thing that could help is to think about the answer to this question: If you could change 3 things in your life, what would you change? Once you identify those things, that could show you some secret desires that you have for self after all. Another helpful thing would be to reconnect to your "why". Our "why" is our purpose. It is the action that connects us to who we are. It is a reflection of our values. Essentially, personal identity isn't based on the thoughts that we have- it is based on the things we find important (values). When we are fulfilled individuals, we are individuals who are living, breathing, and acting on our values daily. This helps us feel purposeful and rooted in self identity. 

I hope this information helps you along your way :)

(LCSW)