How can I stop being kinda obsessive and attached to specific people in my life?

I form normal attachments with most people, but once in awhile i meet someone and they’re so different and significant to me that i start obsessing in a way a significant other would like a crush, when i know it’s one sided. Then I get so attached and i look over the red flags. I expect special treatment and it’s getting in the way of a dear friend right now. i just want to act normal around them just like I am with my other friends. I keep missing them and wanting their attention and get so sad when they’re doing that to their other friends and then I start overthinking everything and I get heartbroken. it makes me feel stupid and childish but i don't know what to do
Asked by Riley

Hello Riley,

Thank you for the vulnerability and entrusting your question to this platform. It sounds like the obsessiveness that you can experience with certain people in your life leads you to cling to a person so tightly that it pushes the person away and that it also leads you to feeling not cared for, etc. Without enough context or more information it is hard to determine what leads you to cling to these people in your life.

I highly encourage you to look into meeting with a therapist who can help you explore and get to the root of why you respond this way towards certain individuals. A therapist can also help you to engage in a treatment modality called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy that is very successful at treating symptoms like the ones you have mentioned in your question. Regardless of formal diagnosis or not, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is highly effective at teaching skills such as emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. Learning to regulate your own emotions might help you to rely less on any one person to get your emotional needs met and free you up from relying too heavily on any one person and ultimately putting strain on those relationships.

There are many therapists here on the platform, through your insurance, or in your community who are skilled at using Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and other techniques to help you have more fulfilling relationships. Your relationships don't have to continue to fall into the same patterns; there is help to break the cycle. If starting therapy is not right for you at this time there are also some great workbooks and tools that you can use to do self work in the meantime. If you search for DBT skills for example on any search engine you will likely find helpful worksheets and other resources without even needing to purchase anything. 

I do, however, highly encourage working with a professional as they will be able to point out patterns, distortions, etc. that can be hard for you to identify yourself and can help you to gain insights into why you respond the way you do. Regardless of which route you take, I do believe you can find stability in your relationships.

I wish you the best, and thank you again for entrusting us with your question. Take care.