Is there a possibility I have borderline personality disorder?

I’ve had an absent father my whole life. It’s been very messy through child support money and still contacting my mother to taunt her and almost bully her. My mental state is extremely unstable, I spent 2 years not leaving the house other than for school until very recently. Constant mood changes, I never experience emotions normally - they’re always extreme feelings.

My mum is the only person I trust in the world, she’s my only constant, and I worry about losing her all the time.

I cheat on everyone I’m with, I can’t stay faithful.

When I argue with someone, it's usually just my mum or someone I’m romantically involved with. I never argue with anyone else or show annoyance, no one would ever guess my temper. I have the worst temper, I say the nastiest things imaginable, I scream, throw things, punch things, shout and cry until I get a nose bleed.

I never keep friends in my life for more than a few years, I get rid of them at the slightest thing they do wrong, block them on everything and never speak to them again.
Asked by Arabella

Hello Arabella,

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  It sounds like you have been through a lot and you are still in a place where things are hard for you in life.  I will try and do my best with the information provided, I can't clinically diagnose you since I would have to do a complete in-person assessment, but I can offer you some feedback.  

It could be possible that you do have Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD).  Some of the clues that you have provided in your summary of behaviors, do sound like they align with this personality disorder.  Individuals who have BPD often have difficulty with thinking positively about themselves, others, and have difficulty managing stress, emotions, and behavior in a healthy controlled way.  They often have self-image issues, managing their emotions (very extreme and intense feelings and responses to things), and have a history and pattern of unhealthy relationships. They often act very impulsively and can have a fear of abandonment or rejection. Overall, they have difficulty coping and managing through stressful events and experience intense feelings and reactions to things.

It seems like you have a lot of things that are happening right now, past trauma, unresolved issues, and difficult maintaining and regulating your emotions and moods.  A licensed therapist would be able to help you navigate through all of this, work through these issues, and help you obtain coping skills needed to start feeling better.

There also seems to be a lot of trauma that you experienced as a child and it would be good to work through these issues as you make be easily triggered and your inner child starts to act out.  This probably would explain why you regress to the behavior you display towards your mom.  There also may be some post-traumatic issues and events that are still unresolved from your childhood.

I would highly recommend that you find a licensed therapist that can help you during this time and they can clinically assess you and provide you with the best treatment regarding any diagnosis you may be experiencing.