What is your experience with Borderline Personality disorder and treating the family?

My daughter is in a manic state and I need to understand boundaries and how best to help her She’s a young adult and her anger is directed towards me. Her narrative refuses to change and she refuses to take ownership
Asked by Sha

Hi. The reason your daughter takes her anger out on you is because she can. Everything is about her, and she doesn't take ownership of her behaviors or actions. Hopefully she is in therapy to work on this. You cannot help her change her behavior because with her diagnosis, it is all about her and she does not like boundaries. She doesn't have them and she especially will not respect anyone else's boundaries. As long as she can do what she wants, she will continue to show a lack of respect for others.

To help yourself, you need to set boundaries - which is not an easy task. She will fight this every step of the way. You cannot change her. You can only work on yourself to modify your behaviors. The challenge is setting them one boundary at a time. The bigger challenge is maintaining the boundary, because your daughter and others will not like this new boundary. This is difficult because your daughter does not like boundaries and will do everything she can to get you to give up and go back to things as they were. Most people are not comfortable with change. They especially do not like it when they do not get their way. Her lack of respect for you and others is no surprise. She will always continue this behavior because she can, since it appears that no one has challenged her. This is because if you tried and she didn't back down, it was just easier to give in. No one is comfortable constantly fighting. It is tiresome. It is much easier to give in then stand by your boundaries that might be best for you.

You are her parent and you love her. You also want her to be happy and give her the best you can. But you also must take care of yourself.  This is exhausting, but necessary for your own mental and physical status. Stress can be harmful to your overall health. Taking care of ones self is necessary to then care for others too.

Hope this is helpful and maybe I will get to work with you. Take care. Terry