I have anger issues with my siblings and husband and kids.

I am constantly arguing and fighting with my siblings and husband. I don’t know if it’s to do with our upbringing and favoritism. Dad spoiled a few and mum also so there were always arguments as our parents never tried to agree on some issues and now it has caused animosity and hatred.
Asked by Nicky

Hello Nicky,

Thank you for reaching out with your concern. I hope I can provide you with some explanations and a direction for your problem.  There was little information provided, but I will try and do my best to help you navigate this situation.

In trying to understand your family systems, it seems like it was not the most functional environment.  Parents are supposed to help resolve issues amongst their children and if they show favoritism, it can naturally create a lot of hostility in the family.  Some children in the home may grow up feeling unheard, unloved, and may continue feelings of anger and resentment.  If favoritism was shown in the home, you possibly could have some deep rooted unresolved childhood issues or resentment and anger toward your siblings.  

From a family dynamic point-of-view, it appears that you could have possibly learned that fighting is also a common behavior from your home life and upbringing.  If you grew up in a home environment where fighting was a normal part of life and there wasn't a way to resolve or deal with these arguments in an amicable way, then it is going to be normal for your to continue to fight with your siblings/with your family members.  

I would recommend that you possibly work with a Marriage and Family Therapist who understands family dynamics to help you with these issues.  If your siblings are willing, it might be good for them to also attend sessions with you to help you all sort out any feelings of possible hatred, animosity, and contention towards one another.   If your family members do not wish to participate with you, it still may be good for you to attend by yourself to help you process these deep rooted issues of anger that stem from your family system.  Sometimes, family can be very toxic and when we are around them, we are triggered easily and those feelings that are not resolved are resurfaced.

I hope my answers have helped to validate your feelings and my suggestions will be something for you to consider.  Above all, I hope you are one day able to feel better about your family and can resolve things on a happy note.