Married for 11 years! Wife says she doesn't love me anymore😪. Should I keep working at it or move on?

Hi J!

Thank you for your question! It definitely sounds like you and your wife are experiencing some marital discord unfortunately. However, I am confident that there IS hope for your own personal healing as well as the healing that the marriage may need.

My name is Beverly Furstenberg and I am a licensed clinical social worker in the state of Missouri. I have been with BetterHelp exclusively since April 2020. I am happy to give you some insight and considerations that I hope will be helpful to you.

Based off of what you mentioned in your question, it sounds like you might be struggling with anger management. I also suspect there may be a part of you that is struggling with managing the stress and complexities of being a husband, father and an employee, as well as any other roles you might fall into in your life or the lives of others. 

Life IS hard. Being a husband IS hard. Being a dad IS hard. These are all things that have difficulty all on their own, but combining them and adding them to the list of everything else going on in your life is enough to have ANYONE struggling! I say that to say this: acknowledge that this is a challenging season in your life, expect things to be challenging, but also acknowledge your ability to OVERCOME challenging things. You've gotten through challenges and adversities before and you can do it again.

Now, individually speaking, it would likely be beneficial for you to be engaged in counseling for the sake of learning additional skills that can help you to manage your anger and stress more effectively, as well as just having a safe space to process what has been on your mind and in your heart. You would be surprised how your own healing and personal growth can positively impact those around you, including your marriage.

Collectively speaking, it might be helpful at some point for the BOTH of you to pursue counseling together, especially if these issues are cyclical, never ending, or if they escalate. I also think that learning conflict resolution skills, whether as individuals or together as a couple, would be very beneficial and may serve to reduce the frequency of fighting and prevent things from escalating.

I hope this helps!

Take care,

Beverly