Can the death of the father figure (for a male) cause subconscious issues or self development issues?

I was 11, I’m now 20 but I don’t feel affected by the episode now. I always wondered if the absence of my father is playing a role in my mental development or on a subconscious level.
Thanks for your time
Asked by Frank
Answered
10/15/2022

When we lose a father figure at a young age, it can have an impact on our development. It would be less so if there are other father figures in your life, but generally a father figure will give a sense of security and stability to a child. A lack of one parent can contribute to feelings of insecurity for children. Especially for a boy, fathers are a role model in terms of how to be a male in the world, along with other male role models. Also for girls a father is important in terms of validation of femininity. So not having father around during adolescence means you don't have their support, validation and affirmation, which is a loss. 

Adolescence can be a turbulent time in development because the child is becoming an adult, it can be hard to navigate this transition and needs the support of parents and other important adults. The task of a father and mother is to listen to, and encourage an increasing amount of independence so that when the adolescent is an adult, they have established who they want to be in the world, feel confident in that, and are able to make decisions for themselves, navigating the processes involved in this.

It's important when you've lost a parent at 11 or in younger years, to find a way to grieve the parent. If bottling up your feelings is how you managed this, it is not a healthy way to manage longer term, although understandable. It may mean as you get older that those feelings start to come up for you perhaps when you don't want them to. Learning how to express difficult emotions is an important aspect of development and finding words to express those emotions. Ideally parents have been able to be emotionally available to the child from very young and throughout childhood, so the child can give expression to their feelings, have their feelings validated and affirmed and be given support with difficult emotions. Having to navigate the sometimes difficult processes of becoming an adult without your father there is so hard, especially because of having to deal with difficult emotions that grief brings about, like anger for example. 

Losing a father when you are young is also a shock, and shock can cause an inability to express the loss healthily. When you have lost a father, your mother has also lost her husband, and if she is in shock it may be difficult also for her to give you the support you need. It is hard all the way around. I hope you were able to get the emotional support you needed during your adolescence, but if not, it's never too late to explore these things, and therapy can be a really good place to do this.  Your therapist can support you in the grieving process and also in gaining a vocabulary to express your emotions. I hope this helps.