How do I fix my head?

I am saddened to hear about your mom passing away. For such a long period of time, we are dependent on our parents to make us feel safe and accepted.  When that bond is broken, we can feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually abandoned. It is quite common to carry this sense of abandonment into our romantic relationships in a dependent relationship, whereby we are afraid of loss and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings.  The thought of our partner leaving us could lead us to fear and suspicion. These feelings can lead to disconnection from our partners, becoming critical and distant. Perhaps in your case, that could lead to feelings of your partner cheating and leaving you. 

Another reaction to abandonment feelings of family loss could be the action of quickly letting go of other relationships that threatens our independence. It may be believed that letting go of a present relationship with a partner would be preferable to being let go from the relationship. These feelings that try to keep us safe could be presented in either paranoid or depressive states of being. Any discord between partners could fuel the engine of discontentment and dissociation from the relationship. If we become frustrated or angry within the relationship, that could be associated with those feelings of abandonment and exacerbate feelings of aloneness. 

A reaction to abandonment, is often an inability to bond with others and is often expressed in a "preference to be alone". Isolation and avoidance behaviors become a choice over closeness and vulnerability. Accusations begin to surface as resentments build as we begin to realize that our partners are just like everyone else who has left us; therefore, we restrict our circle of friends to only those relationships that don't cross our invisible emotional walls we surround ourself with to avoid intimacy. What we declare as independence could also look like imprisonment and we decide it'd better to just be alone. 

The path to healing begins when we can recognize the dynamic of abandonment and associate the source in the root source of those feelings to the present effects on current relationship. Beginning to challenge irrational patterns of thinking, and our self talk, could be a good next step of changing our behavior patterns of how we treat others, the words we express ourself with and trust that begins to result. Another way of making a change would be in the behaviors and actions we have towards others, which in turn have an affect on our feelings. A third alternative could be the practice of different thoughts about our situations, allowing the acceptance of another's circumstance, and seeking to see life differently. 

Healing begins with a readiness to change and often a trusted friend or professional counselor to guide the journey into recovery. Where there is hope, there can be found the strength to battle our fears and irrational feelings. Trust can be built as we begin to give trust. Relationships can be restored, when our relationship with ourself is healthy, when we feel "good enough" to be loved by another.