Which grief pattern is universal?

The only thing that is universal about grief is grief itself. Every person experiences grief at some point in life. Whether facing a major change in life or navigating the loss of a loved one or a job, grief is a common experience. The truth is that grief is a unique experience to each person that may or may not follow a particular pattern.

Grief is universal but a unique and personal experience. Many people are familiar with some well-known “stages of grief,” but these aren’t set in stone, nor do they unfold the same way for each person, or at all. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and no right or wrong length of time for grief.

The most popular stages of the grief model involve five stages, which are:

• Denial may look like believing that a breakup or divorce will resolve itself or magically go away.
• Anger may look like blaming a relative for their death by thinking about all the ways a person would have prevented their injury or illness.
• Bargaining may involve believing that maybe your relationship wouldn’t have failed if we had worked fewer weekends.
• Depression can take the form of believing life isn’t worth living following a particular loss.
• Acceptance occurs when we accept the loss, like embracing the new beginning a job loss may provide.

Not everyone experiences all five stages or goes through them in any order. Some people may experience other emotions and reactions to grief. Another model of the grief process includes seven stages, for example. When you are experiencing loss or change, it’s important to tune in to those feelings and allow yourself time to process them. Working with a licensed mental health professional can be very helpful with processing grief.

While there is no timeline or correct way to grieve, if you begin to notice that you are having difficulty moving through your grief, or your daily life is interrupted for an extended time, which makes it hard to carry out normal routines, or if you’re feeling isolated, feeling excessive guilt, or experiencing suicidal thoughts, you may be experiencing complicated grief. If you are experiencing these symptoms, contact a mental health professional, and reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.