Why Grief Hurts So Much?

Everyone is Different

Maybe one of the most important things to know about grief is that it affects others in different, sometimes unexpected ways. Most people have heard about the stages of grief, but even though this can describe what may be experienced, like shock, denial, and acceptance, this is not always a linear journey. Sometimes people may seem largely unaffected by a loss initially and later experience great sadness. Some people may find that they are mostly unaffected by loved ones passing away but may be distraught when losing a job or relationship (grief is certainly not experienced solely in response to death).

Emotional Pain

Grief can be painful for several reasons. One is that we may have built a very strong connection to the individual or object. We may have confided in the person. Maybe, such as in the case of the loss of a job or relationship, it feels like we are losing part of our identity. Grief hurts because of how we have viewed what we have lost and the experiences that we have shared with that person. For this reason, it may not be so much the person, or job, or relationship, or object we miss, but rather what it symbolizes to us and the meaning that we have placed on it. Some people feel depressed when experiencing grief, while others feel numb. Some people may isolate while others may cling to others for support.

Physical Pain

Grief can also cause physical pain. Some people experiencing grief do not only experience emotional heartache but can also experience actual chest pain. The person may feel that their body aches or the person may feel utterly fatigued. If you are interested in learning more about the physical symptoms of grief, check out this article from BBC: https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-36213249.

Accepting Grief

Just because grief hurts does not mean that it is unhealthy or that we should avoid it. Grief allows us to process our loss and prepare to move forward. Understanding that grief is normal but can affect people in different ways, we can accept grief as part of our existence and, with support when we need it, allow ourselves to work through it without judgment.