What to do when guilt hits?

Asked by Anonymous
Answered
05/06/2021

Guilt is a powerful emotion. It can help you acknowledge actions and define ways to improve behavior. It can also cause you to hyper-focus on what you might have done differently at some point in the past. Guilt can promote positive growth in some cases, but it can also become a weight that holds you down long after your behavior has changed or you made amends for a past wrong.

Pushing guilt away may seem like the most helpful strategy, especially because it can feel like a painful and heavy burden. This can actually exacerbate the feeling, though. Instead, take some time with your guilt. Use a journal or notebook and write down the source of your guilt. For example, “I feel guilty because I yelled at my son.” Next, allow yourself to feel how you feel about it and identify those emotions in writing. Adopt a sense of curiosity about the feelings and the guilt itself. Where did the action that caused the guilt truly come from? Has your behavior changed since that time? Were you in distress? If so, is it a distressing situation that you can take action to manage or heal?

Take some time to curiously explore what you might have learned in the situation that caused the guilt, too. Write about the event and what you would do differently if faced with the same event now.

If you weren’t ever able to apologize or own your actions in the situation that you feel guilt over, consider an apology now. If you’re not able to do that, write your apology as a journal entry for yourself.

Guilt is a normal experience, and so is a mistake. If you did something hurtful to someone else, you are aware of it if you’re feeling guilt. That awareness is helpful to changing behaviors and patterns that will help prevent similar issues in the future.

It’s also important to be aware that excessive feelings of guilt that aren’t related to any specific situation or are related to a situation you’re very fixated on may be indicators of a bigger problem like depression or shame. For some people, guilt is a daily experience and very difficult to let go of. If you’re struggling with guilt, talk with a licensed mental health professional to help get to the root of the issue.

(MS., CMHC., NCC.)