What to Do When Guilt Turns to Anger?

Feeling guilty can be uncomfortable, and it can be appealing to try to avoid this feeling. Rather than blaming oneself for one’s behavior, it may be less uncomfortable to blame others or to take one’s anger towards oneself out on others.

Recognizing Guilt

To avoid anger, it is important to recognize feelings of guilt in the first place. Our thoughts influence our feelings tell ourselves, “I made her upset. I should’ve been more mindful of my feelings and careful with what I said,” we may feel guilt. However, we may use a defense mechanism to shift blame because this thought and feeling would cause us to feel that we were to blame for someone’s feelings being hurt or an argument that transpire. For example, we could tell ourselves, “She made me say what I said, so how dare she blame me for my behavior.” Shifting blame may allow us to be angry at others instead of ourselves, which may feel less uncomfortable in the short-term, but it can also lead us to behave in a manner that can result in us feeling additional guilt further. We may ultimately be embarrassed that we failed to take responsibility for our role.

Preventing And Eliminating Anger

To prevent our guilt from turning into anger, as mentioned previously, we should pay attention to what we tell ourselves. We should also be mindful to listen to others and notice when we are becoming defensive. When we become defensive, we may raise our voice, make excuses, shift blame,y change the subject, refuse to continue with a conversation, or display guarded body language, such as crossing our arms. Paying attention to our cues that we are experiencing anger can also help us slow down and look at what is behind the anger. We know that anger is generally considered a secondary emotion, meaning that a number of feelings, including guilt, can be hiding behind that anger. By becoming more aware of our physical reactions, body cues, and underlying thoughts, and underlying feelings, we can recognize guilt and then work to address it. Finally, we may need to change the way we look at guilt, as it can be a valuable feeling that allows us to make decisions in the future that can give us pride.