Will guilt ever go away?

Asked by Anonymous
Answered
04/22/2021

            Guilt is a very uncomfortable feeling that experience from a very early age.  Guilt is so uncomfortable that some of us ignore and/or avoid it, which can easily turn into shame.  When you are in the thick of guilt, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by it and to question if it will ever go away.  The power of the guilt you feel depends on the severity of the mistake. Some mistakes might have more lasting guilt than others.  The length of the guilt also depends on the consequences associated with the mistake.  If your mistake has lasting consequences, that will likely keep the guilt pretty fresh and hard to move on from.  For example, if you hurt someone in a car accident that was your fault, the consequences of that will likely last for a while.

            Whatever the severity of the mistake you made is, it will be important to live out the purpose of guilt.  Living out the purpose will help the guilt heal and move on from it because you will feel like you are no longer tied to the mistake.  Guilt is a purposeful emotion in that it is meant to help us learn from our mistakes.  If we had no guilt when we make mistakes, then we will likely repeat the mistakes.  Therefore, it is important to see how guilt is purposeful and to live out that purpose. For example, if you hurt a friend’s feelings by doing a certain action, the guilt will hopefully help you learn how to do something different that does not hurt their feelings.  By living out that purpose, the guilt will start to heal as you prove to yourself that you are not tied to that mistake. 

Another important aspect of helping guilt to heal is to try and pursue forgiveness when it is possible.  Forgiveness can help you feel like the person understands you are not tied to the mistake and that you can genuinely move forward.  If forgiveness is not accessible, try to think of ways of forgiving yourself.  Again, changed action will be important with that and also think about how you are different.  Nobody is perfect, and accepting that while also learning from your mistakes will help you move forward. 

(MA, LPC, NCC)