How long does it take for things to become better?

I just need a little motivation in life, things have not been easy, then the redundancy not making progress aahh, i just want to be a good person, a great person
Asked by Herb


Thank you for reaching out here and I'll give you some more clarity on motivation, when things become difficult or redundant. I can understand wanting to push for more on being a good person or a great person (which I'm sure you are currently and it sounds like you want to do even more).

The first question you asked was how long does it often take for things to become better. I would say things can become better today. When we decide to be intentional, we can make a 1 percent improvement. An example might be prepping lunch for work before leaving or making sure I speak to people I don't typically do or text a close friend or relative I haven't reached out to. Most habits will start to fully develop around 60 days, so consistency is king with developing habits or creating a new pathway in your brain here.

I'd like to ask this for you to answer on your own- how do you want to be a good or great person? What are the tangibles of being a good person? If you can write it out on a sheet of paper- where do I see myself going this next year to be a great person or develop a life I want, what does that look like? It can include areas in relationships, career/school, mental and physical health, hobbies, finances and spirituality. They might not all apply and it can give you more specifics. 

Once you have those areas here, then you double check that those ideas resonate, seem to fit your own values or goals (things you cherish in life) and are specific enough that it feels tangible within the next year.

Once you've done that- choose one to work on this week.

An example might be I want to manage my anxiety or stretch 3 times this week or call a friend and setup a time to hangout. As long as these are steps or building blocks towards your large goal, it counts!

i.e. I want to be more physically active this next year to alleviate my chronic pain

goal this week- I'm going to focus on stretching during my lunch break more often than not.

Also, another component to this is called contingency management or asking what makes you tick as a person. I know myself that if I read new psychological articles or books, I tend to get excited for my work. I also know if I set out my clothing in the morning, I tend to follow through with going for a walk, etc. The important piece here is finding what makes you follow through on things in general or get from point a to b. The other odd one I have is frustration works well for me. If I get frustrated, it often gives me a burst of energy to get the task done.

Lastly, to help with redundancy, I do recommend changing up your routine, even slightly. An example might be eating your lunch with chopsticks or talking to someone new. The goal here is you don't need to rearrange your entire life to enjoy it- often times we have to participate in it differently. Sometimes we can make small goals or have secrets to achieve- like complimenting 3 people at work or school today.

I hope this all helps give a brief idea on how to start working on all of this,

Take Care,

Mitchell Daas, MA, LPCC