How do I stop being reactive?

Acting negatively and quickly without thinking through what the result of your actions could be might be due to feeling overwhelmed in an aspect of your life. It maybe that this has happened quite slowly over time but it is now difficult to change your behaviour.

Being caught in a cycle of acting negatively, rushing to do something, not concentrating or feeling out of control, feeling overwhelmed and back to acting negatively again is very tiring. The only way to stop this is to change an aspect of the cycle. The good part is you have recognised what is happening. By changing the negative way you're acting, then the rest will have to change with it and a new cycle will begin. Take note of what triggers your negativity as this is the starting point and you explained it starts from the onset. This could be a person or situation. Once this has been identified think about what happens at the time. Try the traffic light strategy:

• STOP - acknowledge that your negativity is there but you don't need to act on it.
• WAIT - think through what would be a more positive way of approaching the situation.
• GO - put your decision into practice. Use some scenarios before you get to the actual situation.

We can't predict what or when situations are going to arise but it will help to prepare you to change the unhelpful negative actions and replace them with more positive ones.

I'd be interested to know if people are positive towards you. Think about how it makes you feel when they are, because that is what being positive to someone else will do - lift their confidence and self-esteem, make them feel proud. You say everything usually works out anyway....are you being a bit harsh on yourself ? Also wanting to act in a calmer way could suggest you're stressed, which also ties in to the speed you talk about. It doesn't sound as though this is just in a work situation.

Take time out to look at how you can care for yourself by relaxing or being active doing something you enjoy. This will also give you that feel good factor and give a more positive outlook on life.