How to get over past mistakes and trauma?

Hi B,

Thank you for reaching out, I am sorry to hear you are struggling both physically and mentally.  I am glad you have the support of your spouse during this difficult time.  I am hoping some of the information and feedback I can provide is helpful to you.

One thing you may want to explore is not getting over the past but working through it.  I say that because what has happened in the past will shape who you are and will change you.  The changes may not be huge and they may be small over time, however, any past situations (healthy or unhealthy) become part of who you are.  Looking at the past events you experienced, how would you want to get through them?  How would you want to take them and incorporate them into who you are today and who you want to be in the future?  You may want to look at how you want to use the energy from the past events for the future.

I am wondering if you are dwelling and ruminating one the past.  If so, that is not always a healthy thing to do.  Every time we dwell on something from the past, we connect neurons in our brain and the path gets deeper and deeper.  We then think about it without even realizing it and in turn, continue to deepen the path so it becomes a vicious cycle.  Look at those events in a different perspective, you may want to consider reframing them into something that you can use in your life today and the person you want to be.  What type of characteristics are important for you to emulate?

You mention there are things in the past that are tearing you apart.  Are there people you need to forgive in order to move forward or do you need to learn how to forgive yourself for something you did?  Forgiveness is for yourself, not anyone else.  To me, forgiveness means treating someone else (or yourself) the same way or better than before the event happened.  What would help you do this?  Is there a letter that needs to be written but not mailed?  Is there anger, betrayal, disappointment or other feelings that you need to accept in order to move on?

You mentioned you are not where you want to be in life.  I am wondering if the goals you have set for yourself need to be broken down into smaller, more attainable goals to reach the bigger ones.

I realize I have thrown out a lot of questions in this response, they are for your self reflection and I  ask them in hopes they help.  I wish you the best in your journey moving forward.

Best,

Erica