Why I'm constantly feeling worried and fear even when things are going well. Like all my plans are working.

I feel fear and I am afraid to be alone. I was driving for shopping but rushed back home to feel more comfortable because anxiety was about to start
Asked by Ariel

Something is Off

Everything works until it doesn't anymore. Our minds work in a way that we are adaptive. We are this mass of genetics, constantly learning, developing, and forming a personality. Your mind is telling you something that your body internalizes as a threat. What do you think that is? What do you fear will happen? I want you to ask yourself these types of questions and demand a concrete answer; what is the worst that happens when you experience anxiety and cannot manage yourself because you believe whatever your mind tells you to be true? 

Your mind is associated with something from the past that you are being reminded of now. Once you connect with what is going on in your life now and how it relates in some way to something from the past, early childhood, perhaps, you can start to work on that childhood formation of a belief. You can begin addressing the core of fear by advocating for the child being brought up inside you in those moments of fear.


Anxiety today is an opportunity to advocate for an earlier, more vulnerable, and alone version of you that made you feel scared. You learned that the world is unsafe and that shielding yourself is the only way to live. Your mind and body are just trying to keep you safe. It is our job to challenge the overreactive response because it interferes with what you want. You can give that kid what they needed and didn't receive-an affirmation that things would be OK and they would be loved consistently. 

Live With It

You want to learn to live with stress and anxiety. Stress is inevitable and is something we often believe we would be better off living without. Then we feel upset because we have stress and beat ourselves up because we think we are failing if we experience anxiety or stress. Stress, anxiety, and even depressed states from time to time are inevitable, and it is best to learn to live with them than think all of you would be better without these traits. Further, your ego, your identity, the part of your brain that tells you who you are and sees the world through your lens, is overactive.

The ego has to kick in to try and keep you safe from some perceived threat your subconscious mind (amygdala) is picking up and activating the limbic system to respond. Your thoughts come from the anxious experience because your thoughts get you to react. Your ego is preserving a part of you that deep down you don't believe can handle the stress of socializing.

Ask Questions

Now, what are you experiencing when your mind tells you not to go out? Being reflective and asking why I am feeling this way, what is my mind telling me? What is the biggest threat to me going out and about? It is the answer to these questions that will lead you to what about you you fear the most.

Why is being laughed at so bad if your mind tells you not to go out because people will laugh at you? Why can't we tolerate being laughed at? Do we believe that people are not allowed to laugh at people or that we are too high and mighty to be laughed at? How seriously do you take yourself etc. (These types of questions).  

Again, what does fear tell you that interferes with doing what you want? Ask yourself "why," and you will discover that something is happening that you perceived differently than it really is, that you are internalizing as negative and potentially harmful. Living life thinking we would be better without anxiety and bending our life because it shows up is like having a party, and an uninvited guest shows up. Right now, you believe that when that guest shows up, you must withdraw from the party until that guest is gone. Instead, let anxiety in, talk with your anxious thoughts, ask what is going on here, why is this uninvited guest here, and accept that they are an inevitable part of who you are. 

Life is so much about perspective that you can see this situation through an entirely different lens. Though the problem doesn't change, your beliefs about yourself and your capability to handle it will.