Why attachment parenting is bad?

When one becomes a parent, they have several choices and options as to how they will raise or rear their child.  One of those styles/options that a parent can take is what is referred to as attachment parenting.  In essence, attachment parenting uses touch and physical contact during periods of critical attachment development to promote a healthy and powerful attachment for both the child and the parent.  Typically, in attachment parenting, the parent's primary focus of promoting a powerful attachment is the mother.

Just like any parenting style, there are downsides and criticisms to attachment parenting.  It is up to the individual to decide whether they believe that attachment parenting is “bad.” Among the more common downsides to attachment parenting is that, typically, it is discouraged for children to engage in “sleep training.” Sleep training involves setting a child’s sleep schedule when they are an infant.  Attachment parenting discourages this but, what can be difficult for parents, is that sleep deprivation may occur when/if their infant develops a very different sleep pattern than they do.

Another downside that is noted involves the attention that attachment parenting encourages when infants cry.  One of the only methods that infants have for communication is the use of crying.  Attachment parenting suggests that parents adhere to their child’s needs by deciphering what kind of cry the child is implementing to signal distress (are they wet, hungry, tired, lonely).  While this is not a bad suggestion, and babies indeed have different “cries'' based on their needs, some experts believe that this leads to children not learning how to self-soothe when left to cry after their needs have been met.

Finally, another common criticism of attachment parenting is that it is often hard for parents to balance attachment style parenting with their lifestyle.  Attachment parenting requires a lot of attention and work and puts a lot of stress on mothers.  Because of the encouragement of constant touch and physical interaction, this can make it difficult for new mothers to navigate their role in the household.  Although it is encouraged that parents wishing to implement this style of parenting learn how to divide the different household responsibilities so that the mother can focus most of her attention on forming the powerful attachment, this is not always feasible in every household.

At the end of today, all parenting styles are going to have highlights and lowlights.  It is up to the person to determine what they think is in the child’s best interest.  For some, attachment parenting works perfectly fine.  For others, attachment parenting may not be feasible based on the reality of their life.  Attachment parenting is not necessarily “bad,” but it is important as a parent to learn flexibility.  And oftentimes, with very structured parenting approaches, it can lead to a lack of flexibility and a lot of self judgement, especially when continuing to implement the parenting style as suggested is not feasible.  The important thing is to practice self-acceptance and forgiveness when things don’t go perfectly.