How childhood trauma affects relationships?

Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include types of abuse & violence that could potentially be triggering.

The various forms of trauma in childhood include emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual. Secondary trauma is also a consideration that involves witnessing trauma, violence, and dysfunction that causes stress, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. How children bring these thoughts, feelings, memories, and exposure into their relationships is exponential. Adults in treatment often pinpoint several incidents of trauma or events they interpreted as traumatic for them, shaping how they interact with others as children, teens, and throughout their adulthood.

Trust

Perhaps the most profound result of trauma-induced in childhood that affects relationships is trust. Whether the person attempts to trust a peer, friend, teacher, parent, or eventually a life partner, trauma leaves the mark of questioning another person’s intentions and motives. Additionally, trusting someone with opening up can also be difficult if harsh criticism, being used, exploited, or abuse has happened to them. Trust can begin to form once a person has processed their trauma and made the connections between trauma and trust, providing an opportunity for corrective and healing relationships to take place.

Inconsistency and Codependency

Sometimes childhood trauma can cause people to feel too guarded and, on the other side of that spectrum, too dependent, aching to heal those psychic wounds. So, in the beginning, they may be very close, all in, in a relationship, and then suddenly sabotage the relationship or pull away. This has to do with both testings, the other’s loyalty, and fear of getting too close. This push and pull can be very stressful on any relationship, and the inconsistency creates its own set of new traumas. Because the developmental state of trust was undercut with traumatic events having a healthy back and forth relationship takes effort and treatment to ensure self-awareness and insight into maladaptive behaviors.

The flipside

People who have experienced trauma as children are often strong, resilient, and mature about the world that many others do not have. These people survive and often thrive, becoming a force in this world that shines in relationships, work, and creativity. Every person who goes through trauma also manages it differently. Not every person needs the same interventions or therapy to heal, and some don’t necessarily heal through those means. However, reading books, using counseling, and developing a strong self-care routine in life can make a difference if it is needed.