How do I get over my ex?

Good afternoon Teddy. Thank you for bringing up this question. I am glad that you were able to reach out for some help.

I want to first acknowledge that the situation is very painful for you, and that this will take some time for you to heal. Secondly, I would like to ask you about the changes that you say you have made now. Why did you make those changes? Did you make those changes for you, the relationship, or for your partner? If you made those changes for you, then you keep them whether the relationship is there or not. If they were changes made for the relationship, then you carry these changes on for your next relationship. It is hard not to look at the outcome of a situation, and think that the whole situation was a waste of time. But please remember, that it is not always the outcome that we need to look at, but rather the process and the journey that led up to the outcome. Because that is where the learning and growing happens. So taking some time to acknowledge the changes that you've made, and the progress that you have made along the way, rather than focusing on the outcome is important.

Now, I have some practical suggestions for you. In these types of situations it is easy to get stuck in our thoughts. Maybe our thoughts are racing or we are ruminating on our thoughts. Whatever the case, thoughts exist in what is a rather sticky part of our mind. Meaning that it is easy to get caught in our thoughts, but not in a productive way. We overthink things and spend too long thinking about items. Then we get frustrated and angry. If you find yourself getting stuck in your thoughts, the first thing I would suggest that you do is take some deep breaths. You need to get back in your physical body, and taking deep breaths is one way to do this. Secondly, after you have taken deep breaths, spend some time being in the present moment. One of the ways that we can do this is by using our senses. Let me give you some examples. Let us just say that you go outside, using your senses you would see, here, smell, taste, and touch. Watch the squirrels running around, listen to the birds, feel the cool wind on your face. Spend some time just being in your physical environment. When we are in our physical environments, we cannot be stuck in the sticky area that is our thoughts. And remembering during this time to take deep breaths. When we are stressed out or when we get stuck in our thoughts, our breathing tends to be shallow. This is stressful to our body as our breathing is not meant to be shallow for long periods of time. Taking deep breaths helps our chest muscles to relax and helps us to feel more calm period and when we are more calm we can think better.

Also, tune into your body. Where are you storing areas of tension? Where do your muscles feel tight? Are you having pain anywhere? Notice these areas and see if you can relax them. You can do some stretches or some yoga. You can tighten your muscles and then release them. Remember to take deep breaths. When we can release the tension in our physical bodies, this can release the tension in our minds. It is essential to know that our mind and our body are connected. They are not totally separate. When one is hurting the other one will be too, when one is being helpful it can aid the other one - the mind and the body work together. But they can also be antagonistic to each other. Making healthy decisions for your body will help your mind. And making healthy decisions in your mind can help your body. See if you can get your mind and your body to work together, and notice when they are not. I also highly encourage you to remember to make healthy decisions about your physical body. So making healthy eating choices and staying away from sugar and caffeine. And if sleep is difficult, be sure to rest when you can. Stress is stored in our physical body, and this will impact our mind.

Lastly, I want to encourage you to be patient with yourself. This is hard stuff and it takes time. But practice these things and you will become better at them. I would highly encourage you to journal if you are struggling with your thoughts. Journaling slows down our thoughts and helps us structure our mind. I would encourage you to be reflective about your situation. What have you learned from this experience? What can you now do better next time? What can you do differently next time? What are you proud of yourself for? Also write down the things that you are grateful for. So often in these situations we get stuck on the things that are not going well. But the reality is is that there are things that are going well in your life. Positive things that you are doing, and positive experiences that you are having if we allow our minds to focus too much on the negative, we will start to feel very bad about ourselves. So take time to acknowledge the good things as well. Good luck to you and take good care.