Ask a therapist > Relationships > How to confront my trust/abandonment issues, rejection sensitivity, and potential emotional dysreg?

How to confront my trust/abandonment issues, rejection sensitivity, and potential emotional dysreg?

I finally got an official ADHD diagnosis last summer & ever since, I have been learning & unlearning so much. I've also been in CBT for 3 years. Through these experiences in life, I've learned & recognized that many things I grew up thinking were "wrong" with me, were just a mix of childhood trauma & symptoms of diagnoses I hadn't received yet. Unfortunately, my therapist and I had to part ways recently due to financial issues. I'm very curious to know how I can further explore & help myself heal/grow. So far, my former therapist and I were able to start helping each other recognize some of my issues as they would occur throughout my time with them. Typically speaking, I can now identify with general ease what's popping up & what could have triggered it. I just don't know what to do from there, as I would normally write it down on the moment, then later discuss it with my former therapist. Could you please help me?
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Asked by Cake
Relationships
Rejection
Answered
05/07/2022

Your insights are commendable, as you are aware of how you feel and the triggers that may have set them off.  You also know that your childhood traumas have resulted in thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are impacting your life today.

So what I hear you say is that you want to heal, grow and move on.  Here are some questions you can ask yourself to further enhance your transition as you move ahead:

  1. Is there any advantage to keeping this feeling in the forefront?
  2. Can I look at the situation another way (get another perspective on it)?
  3. Is how I'm feeling, truly justified, or am I blowing things out of proportion?
  4. How would I like to feel?
  5. What can I do to change how I feel?
  6. Is it sustainable?

In other words, if you are interested in getting past your trauma and healing yourself, you would want to recognize that staying in the past is keeping those feelings present.  You would need to do whatever mental/emotional and physical techniques you have available, to help you feel good again --- because it feels good to feel good.  So whether you meditate, jog, paint, listen to music, call a friend, etc, you are moving yourself out of your "head" and into a more pleasant experience.  So, I suggest that whenever you identify "something", ask yourself "What can I do about it?" and then move your thoughts in the direction of peace and contentment, knowing that the past experience is no longer impacting your present.  The more you learn to manage the moment, the more you master your mind and create your best life. 

I am also suggesting you do this little exercise to boost how you see yourself:

I want you to describe yourself as if you were a Dictionary Definition.  Using only positive words, include personality characteristics (honest, caring, intelligent, etc.), traits, talents, accomplishments, accolades, rewards, achievements, etc.  So it should read like this, "Cake is bright, a graduate, responsible, honest, and a dedicated worker.  Cake is caring, funny, has many friends, plays the guitar and loves nature....etc.  Keep adding to it as you realize other things about yourself.  This is your true understanding of who you are. 

I hope you find this helpful. 

(MA, LMHC)