What to do when dating turns dangerous?

When it comes to any danger, whether emotional or physical danger, safety is always the priority, so, when it comes to being in a relationship where you start to see signs that indicate the relationship is becoming dangerous, it is important to determine what should be done to secure your physical and emotional safety.  Also, something to consider is the sense of urgency within the danger you are noticing.  This will influence what steps you are going to need to take as well.

From the perspective of physical safety, if there is a risk of physical harm, then the best course of action is to remove yourself from the environment/person causing physical harm.  In terms of urgency, if this is an imminent situation, you may need to contact your local authorities for help.  And in these circumstances, always ensure that you have access to an exit route.  If the situation is of moderate risk, say the person you are dating is becoming physically threatening but not causing any direct harm, it is best to develop a safety plan with someone you trust.  Oftentimes it is recommended that someone discuss a plan to stay with them for a day or two if the situation becomes heightened.  This way, you have time away from the person to assess what your options are.  This is in the case that you and your partner live together; if you live separately, then you will want to inform this person that you intend to stay away from each other for 1-2 days to “cool things off,” so to speak.  Again, from there, you can assess how you want to continue with the relationship.  Communicating firm boundaries will be important if you intend to maintain the relationship.

From an emotional standpoint, the most important thing to do if you notice the relationship is becoming dangerous/toxic is to set and maintain firm boundaries.  Typically, emotional safety is compromised when your partner is becoming psychologically and emotionally harmful.  They may say or do things that cause you anxiety or depression; thus, leading to your emotional health being compromised.  Oftentimes, it is not necessarily the partner’s intention to harm emotionally. Still, rather they may exhibit poor boundaries and use these tactics to get their way while disregarding your emotional welfare.  Unfortunately, this person learned these behaviors, but from their perspective, they feel they need to do for their own needs.  If the intention is to maintain the relationship with this person, then it will be important to feel comfortable with being able to tell this person No when they are asking you to do something outside of your emotional comfort and ask that person to try to find a compromise where your needs and theirs are both able to be met.  Emotional safety and setting boundaries are the most challenging form of maintaining your safety and the most essential.  If you find this challenging for you, it is recommended to see therapy for assistance.