what to do when relationships become toxic?

Relationships, both platonic and romantic, are capable of becoming toxic.  Based on my experiences as a therapist, this happens more often than people like to admit.  There are a couple of steps that someone can take if they start to find themselves feeling uncomfortable in a relationship dynamic or are beginning to feel as though their relationship has become “toxic.”

The first step is to determine for yourself if the relationship is worth saving or fixing.  Sometimes, too much damage has been done in the relationship for someone to feel comfortable taking the necessary steps to correct the mistakes that exist within the dynamic.   If this is the case, then it is up to that person to determine how they will end the relationship.  Some might choose to take a less assertive or confrontational route and “block,” “ghost,” or stop engaging in a relationship without explanation.  This isn’t necessarily a bad option.  Especially when we consider that, sometimes, it is not safe to engage in a conversation explaining why the relationship is ending.

If someone actually chooses to speak with the person about the relationship ending, it is good to consider the “safest” way of doing this.  If there are concerns around maintaining emotional or even physical safety, it would be advised to choose a more public space and have somebody who can serve as a source of support to intervene if necessary.

Sometimes, though, people will choose to salvage their relationship or try and make it stronger despite the problematic patterns or behaviors developed within it. 

This is where I would suggest considering counseling as an option.  For romantic couples, this is easier.  There are a lot of resources regarding family and couple counseling.  However, if the relationship in question is platonic but important and intimate, individual counseling might be a good choice.  Regardless of whether not the other person within the relationship is there, counseling can serve as a place where one can learn boundary setting, effective communication styles and gain insight into how their changes in behavior could potentially change the dynamic of the relationship.  Additionally, the therapist or counselor could provide honest feedback on whether or not the relationship is showing signs of improvement.

At the end of the day, one of the most important things to remember is that, no matter what, no one deserves to be treated unfairly or met with abuse within their relationships.  Practicing patience while receiving professional help is a very mature way to approach potentially fixing a toxic relationship.  However, there is a definitive difference between setting appropriate boundaries and having his boundaries violated repeatedly.  If someone finds themselves in a situation where even professional help is not improving their relationship, there is no shame in taking care of themselves and leaving that relationship behind.