What are some tools to help be less afraid to communicate my feelings?

It Starts at the Core

There's this Pixar movie called Inside Out that helps nail this concept. In the film, the main character Riley has these emotions in her head that are operating the controls on her life. However, the emotions were not there in Riley's entire life but came as she experienced life. Core memories are some of the most significant memories that helped shape Riley. Though this example has gaps, core beliefs formed as a child determine what we serve with our decisions and what we want/expect out of life. 

Your narrative that your feelings don't matter comes from that area of yours that says you must do this or that to be better. Our minds are funny; it leads us to problems and then beat us up for not doing something better. Somehow our informed decisions weren't good enough, but we never view the mind as the problem; we blame ourselves. When I say the mind, I am referring to that voice inside your head that tells you what to do. This inner voice says that you won't be happy until... or that you aren't worth it. Various thoughts we have, when we have them, the emotions triggered, and then our reactions are all driven by our core beliefs, and we are convinced that they are as good as it gets. 

It would be best if you stepped away from what your mind tells you. Right now. Take a step back from what you are thinking and notice what you are thinking. I am telling you to see that voice, that narrative, that belief that you should do something else, and realize that you still have a choice in this game. You are not subject to your mind's view as much as you have believed you are.

The funniest thing about our mind is that it knows us the best, knows how to convince us to believe it and do what it says (what is familiar), and then tells us we were wrong in the process. You can distance yourself from thoughts versus living your life according to these thoughts, which leads you to harm and keep the cycle going. 

"I need to work through my past trauma." Again, this is a belief that you may spend much of your time on, and nothing gets better. If you believe that any one thing will alter your life significantly, you are being misguided by a mind which gives you black-and-white thinking. Trauma work can do wonders at reducing the impact of trauma. However, there is no guarantee that the issues you discuss will improve. What often helps the most is figuring out how to live today, with the life we have been given, how to accept, remain flexible to life's terms, find some value in what we do, and hold on to our commitment to living for what matters most. 

Lastly, you are correct in your belief about coping, but I fear it may not be in an effective way. Based on the entirety of your question, your view of coping may mean that you don't experience your undesired emotions anymore. In reality, coping is learning to live with troubling thoughts and feelings, no longer reacting to life from them. You have to get familiar with and accept (not agree) what life has handed you and then ask yourself, "what am I going to do with this." This life, all that has happened, and all you have in your head make up the person you are. Any one thing does not define you, and therefore any one change will not fix your life; it will just put expectations on other areas to improve you. It would be best to learn how to sit with troubling emotions and thoughts and not react to them while continuing to live for and do what you care about the most.