How abuse affects self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the overall sense of personal worth that we have of ourselves. Depending on what we believe about ourselves, self-esteem may be either low or high.

The physical effects of abuse like bruises and other physical injuries show up immediately. Emotional injuries that are caused by abuse may take longer to develop and impact behavior. Abuse may occur at any point in a person’s life and often occurs in the closest relationships a person has, like within families, between romantic partners, or in close friendships. Emotional, physical, and sexual abuse can each have an impact on physical and mental health.

Self-esteem is affected by all types of abuse. Regardless of the age that abuse occurs or the setting it occurs in, we internalize things about ourselves through abuse. We may learn that we don’t matter through abuse, that our efforts aren’t good enough, aren’t good enough, and more. Attempts to stop abuse may be unsuccessful, contributing to feelings of helplessness and shame, which further damages self-esteem.

It’s common for abused people to blame themselves, which is a way that low self-esteem manifests. “Something bad happened to me, which must be because I’m bad.” Abuse that involves name-calling and insults further damages the way we feel about ourselves. These messages become internalized and become a part of how we see and think about ourselves. Low self-esteem contributes to negative self-talk, which is how we talk to and think about ourselves all day. Negative self-talk can contribute to depression and other mental health difficulties.

Enduring abuse as a child may impact our willingness to engage in an abusive relationship later in life, as we enter into new relationships with these ideas of ourselves already in place. Once we’re convinced these negative things are true, we’re less likely to challenge them.

Low self-esteem has negative consequences, including:

• Developing anxiety, stress, loneliness
• Increased likelihood of depression
• Problems with relationships
• Poorer academic and work performance
• Increased risk of substance abuse

If you’re struggling with self-esteem, it’s important to work to improve it. It can be difficult to begin to address if you’ve experienced abuse and its effects for years, so working with a therapist may be especially helpful in improving self-esteem. Improving self-esteem frequently means:

• Listening to and arguing with negative self-talk. You may be very used to hearing the negative self-talk, but just because it’s there doesn’t mean it’s logical or fact-based. Start to ask questions about where these thoughts come from and if they’re fact-based.
• Cultivate self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness that you show to other people. If you wouldn’t talk to or treat a friend the way you respond to yourself, try changing what you’re doing to be more in line with what you would say to a friend.
• Find support. Support can come from friends, groups you belong to, or a therapist.