Why Abuse Happens?

Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised that the article below might mention trauma-related topics that include types of abuse & violence that could be triggering.

There are many reasons abuse may occur, but it’s important to emphasize that none of these factors alone are responsible for the abuse; there is never an excuse for abuse, even though there can be factors that increase the risk of it occurring.

First, it is important to note that there are different types of abuse. Sometimes it can be physical (which may be what most people think of when they think of abuse) or sexual, but it can also be emotional. Emotional abuse may be more difficult to recognize.

Why abuse does not happen

 Next, let us consider why abuse does not happen. Abuse never happens because someone deserves it. Abuse also never happens because someone “makes” someone commit it. While these may be defenses voiced by the perpetrator of abuse, they are mere justifications for their behavior. The reality is that the abuse is not about the victim of the abuse but rather the abuser themself. In other words, the abuser can abuse many other people, and abuse is often about opportunity rather than the behavior, appearance, or any other factors associated with the survivor (victim) of the abuse.

Why abuse does happen

Many people who abuse others were abused themselves, whether it was physically, emotionally, or sexually, or have experienced neglect by others. Abuse is often about demonstrating or feeling a sense of power. Therefore it is no wonder that those who do not feel power or control (or have had periods of their life when they felt a lack of power or control, which is common when one experiences abuse or neglect).  Abuse can also occur when someone holds a significant amount of anger or resentment and does not know how (or chooses not to) appropriately cope with those feelings. For some, pushing that anger outward and hurting others becomes less uncomfortable than hurting oneself. Abuse can also occur when there is a lack of assertive communication; one person may be passive in communication, while the other, rather than expressing their feelings, maybe aggressive, using physical or emotional violence. If you have been experiencing domestic violence, reach out for help immediately. You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Substance use, because it often impairs judgment and can intensity feelings and blunt concern for others, can also contribute to abuse. Some mental health disorders, such as Bipolar Disorder or Schizophrenia, can increase a person’s risk of perpetrating abuse, although most people with these mental health disorders are not violent. Finally, a basic but important point is that abuse often happens when there have not been consequences, for it has happened before. Many survivors of abuse hope or even expect that it will simply stop on its own, but without firm boundaries and consequences, not only is it likely to continue, but it is also likely to become more severe.