How can I forget?

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling to leave your past traumas behind. It sounds like you are struggling to move forward and set new goals for your future. To deal with trauma, it can be helpful to explore it and talk about it, so it begins to become less painful. With trauma we can tend to box those traumatic feelings away, to keep ourselves safe. There are strategies that can be used to help you move forward and change your thinking patterns. Even though we don't want to think about the things that caused our trauma, it helps to examine our past, unbox our traumas, this can enable us to feel less painful memories, the more times we open the box, the easier it can become.

I am also sensing that you may be grieving for the loss of your dad and grandpa. As a child grief can manifest itself in different ways, being clingy and unsettled or not showing any emotion. Do you remember at any point being able to process the loss of your dad? Reflect on this and how you may have felt as a child, going through such a traumatic time. It sounds like your grandpa became your father figure, have you managed to talk to anyone about his passing in therapy, how it has affected you? You asked about ways in which you can forget and move on, moving on means you have accepted your loss, but that's not the same as forgetting.

You can move on with your life and keep the memory of your loved one as an important part of you. 

Way to help you cope and move on are to:

• Acknowledge your pain, accept that grief can trigger many unexpected emotions.
• Understand it will be unique to you, there are no set rules.
• Seek out support from those that love you or professionals who are trained in grief.
• Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
• Learn to recognise the difference between grief and depression
• Set some small goals, even if it's one a day.
• Don't be afraid to reach out to others, increase your support network.
• Be kinder to yourself, do some activities that make you smile.
• Journal your thoughts and feelings to channel them out.
• Remember there is no time limit for grief. 

I hope that you would like to explore your issues further in therapy.

I am here to support you if you wish.

Take care,

Janice.