How does grief feel?

Grief is something that everyone experiences in life. Many major events in life can result in grief. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even a job change can cause grief. Along with being a normal and universal experience, it’s also unique to the individual. Grief can feel and occur differently for each person.

For some, there may be tears, anger, emptiness, or denial. Each of these is completely normal, and so are other feelings that may arise. Although grief is different for each person, and each person will experience different feelings, patterns, and other things in their own way, there are stages of grief that resonate with many.

The most well-known model of grief stages is the five stages model, which includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages may not occur in any particular order; they may occur more than once and may last any length of time.

Denial is a common response to grief. It’s when we’re likely to say or think to ourselves, “This isn’t happening,” following an event. Denial helps us process the news we’re facing with a bit of mental distance. Anger helps to mask the emotions and hurt that often come with grief. Anger may be directed at a person you blame for the event, yourself, or even a loved one who died. Bargaining comes from the feeling of vulnerability you experience after a loss or big change. When it becomes intense, bargaining is a way that you may attempt to regain control by negotiating with God. “What if” statements are common during this stage of grief. Depression is a part of grief but isn’t the same as clinical depression that can be experienced apart from grief. During this time period, you may isolate yourself from others or upset situations, feel confused, and experience sadness. Acceptance may sound like the end-stage or a happy place to be, but it isn’t what many people think. It’s simply arriving at a place where the loss or change is accepted as something that can’t be changed, and you’re beginning to understand what it means in your life and how to live life with the changes the grief has brought.

Grief is a necessary, normal, and healing process that is very personal and unique. You may not experience things in stages; your experience will be individual. Grief may last weeks, months, or even years.

If grief becomes intense or you feel that you would like to have a safe place to discuss grief and its process, talking with a licensed counselor can be very helpful.