Why grief hurts?

            Grief is such a complex emotion that is one of the most difficult emotions that human beings deal with.  Grief looks different amongst different cultures and beliefs, but it does typically involve some degree of pain.  When you are in the thick of grief, it can be easy to question why it hurts so badly.  One powerful thing to do when you are going through grief is to recognize how the degree of the pain is due to the power of the person you lost.  Your difficult feelings are a testament to how much they meant to you.  Without those feelings, it would be somewhat sad and so in a way, these feelings are a beautiful testament. 

            Another fact of grief that makes it so difficult is that it is not a feeling we experience often.  Other negative emotions such as sadness, anxiety, anger, etc. are feelings we are more familiar with.  For a lot of us though, grief is something that is not very familiar and so when it happens, it is extra uncomfortable.  It can be helpful to validate that as you experience grief.  On top of it being unfamiliar, it can feel really heavy because of the lack of happy hormones.  When we are grieving, things that normally would bring us some happiness are not as powerful because of the weight of the grief we are experiencing. 

            Something that can be really hurtful that a lot of people experience when grieving is the questioning that comes with grief.  When grieving, it can be completely normal and natural to question things, including big life questions.  For example, some people will notice how short life is when they are grieving and that will lead them to question what they are doing with their life.  Questioning big things like that can feel very heavy and hurtful, but it is important to affirm that questioning is a natural part of the grieving process.  Grief is also so hurtful in that it sometimes repeats even when you think it has gone away.  Things like anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, etc. can trigger someone back into grief which can be really difficult to deal with.