Are attachment issues bad?

Attachment theory is based on the idea that our earliest relationships with caregivers, often our parents, inform how we bond with others and behave within relationships later in life. Patterns within relationships we have later in life, whether familial, platonic, or romantic, are all thought to be influenced by how we are cared for in our earliest years.

We either learn that it’s safe to go out and explore and that our caregivers will be there when we return, or we learn that the world is dangerous and cling to our caregivers. We either learn that our needs for food, comfort, and other things will be met consistently, or that they won’t be met at all, or only intermittently. From these lessons, attachment theorists believe that we continue to view and act within our later relationships.

While attachment theory remains a theory, it does have research support. Our earliest relationships can have a powerful influence over how we view and interact within our relationships in adulthood. Some people notice patterns in later relationships that they find problematic. Constantly dating people who are cold or dismissive, forming relationships with fair-weather friends repeatedly, or feeling scared that a relationship will dissolve at any moment are patterns some people discover when they examine their adult relationships.

Many people have “attachment issues,” but they aren’t unsolvable, nor are they something that makes it impossible to have healthy relationships. We continue learning about relationships throughout life, meaning that positive experiences in relationships add to our understanding of them. Working with a therapist to determine relationship patterns, sources of potential attachment issues, and defining ways to make changes and heal attachment can help. In fact, some research conducted by Dr. Dan Seigel et al. has shown that the process of making sense of one’s attachment can be a powerful component in healing it.

Attachment issues can be difficult and can impact many areas of life, but they aren’t insurmountable. If you’re curious about your relationship patterns, attachment style, or healing attachment issues, talk with a licensed mental health professional who has experience working with attachment issues and attachment theory.