Are attachment styles permanent?

Early experiences shape initial attachment styles, and attachment styles are accepted and shown in research to impact later relationships. Yet, attachment styles can change as we continue to have relationships, explore them, and have experiences that inform the model of our relationship. In essence, our ideas of relationships and resulting attachment continue to be updated as we gain experiences throughout life.

Where we are as adults with attachment is a compilation of our relationship experience throughout life up to that point. While we start out focusing on our caregivers for our needs and forming an attachment based on that, as we age, our peers, colleagues, and romantic partners take over the role of the attachment figure. These relationships can sow the seeds of stability and safety or be the source of self-doubt and anxiety.

Secure attachment is ideal, but even someone with a secure attachment from childhood may encounter relationships in adulthood that can chip away at that sense of security. Healthy relationships and interactions are important throughout life, not just at the beginning. Someone who starts adulthood without a secure attachment may go on to have healthy relationships that help support a change in their attachment style, evolving it into a more secure one.

Attachment is one factor in how we view ourselves, the world, and relationships. The way we handle change, our sense of self-efficacy, and other factors can influence how we approach relationships and attachment later in life. Finding or noticing patterns in relationships can be a helpful way to determine if there may be underlying attachment issues that you’re dealing with.

Suppose you’ve noticed a pattern that is alarming or feels that your friendships and romantic relationships are less than satisfying; talking with a counselor about this can be helpful. A licensed counselor can help you identify and explore patterns and your role in them. Finding what part you and your choices play in these patterns can be helpful to changing patterns that lead you away from the relationships you want. Since connection with others is vital to health and a preventative factor for some mental health conditions like depression, understanding how to make the most out of your relationships and cultivating healthy ones is important.