Can attraction be one sided?

Hollywood and cinema have mastered the idea of one-sided attraction through so many examples of unrequited love on the screen. It feeds into so many people’s longing and desire for love in all its forms. So much of it is physical attraction but people can be attracted to others in a myriad of ways including personality traits and the general energy someone gives off. This might be one of the hardest realities of relationships that when attraction is one-sided it is almost always going to result in either the relationship becoming stagnated, breaking up, or not coming together in the first place. This last reason is common in dating and many people do not hear from someone for a second date because the person didn’t think or feel there was chemistry, which is another way of saying no attraction.

What to do when this is the case?

What do people do with all of this energy that they might feel towards another person? This is an important question to ask because energy towards anything that does not feel either satisfying or productive can result in hurt feelings, a feeling of loss, and for some even depression. In the case of divorce or a break up these feelings are warranted and take time to heal. Depending on how attraction changed for one of the partners, it may take a long time for the receiver of the pain to accept and also reject common reasons someone loses their attraction. If a long-time partner details that they left for changes in the other’s physical self, this does not mean they need to change who they are, it means that this person no longer thinks there is enough to continue without that physical attraction. This is a big topic many people come into therapy with in an attempt to come back to self-love and to heal the rejection they feel so deeply from someone they trusted.  In the case of relationships that never solidified, people can be intolerant and frustrated when they make an attempt to connect and that connection does not happen. In counseling flexibility, acceptance, and moving forward are themes to help heal this mindset. And on a person’s own it might help to take some distance from someone they were attracted to by limiting social media, possible interactions, and idle time spent thinking on them.