Can Relationships Be Fixed?

Identifying relationship problems

Perhaps it is best not to look at a relationship as broken or fixed but rather to view relationships as evolving. The quality of relationships can improve. The first steps to improving a relationship will include identifying what problems are surfacing in the relationship and what the underlying issues are as well. For example, there may be frequent arguments that escalate and increase in frequency. Possible underlying issues could include feeling undervalued in the relationship, financial problems, not managing stress arising from work, having different goals for the relationship, having different views on effective parenting, etc. The biggest challenge here may be recognizing one’s personal role in the relationship difficulty; Simultaneously, it is easier to identify what you would like the partner to do. Differently, it may be hard to recognize and admit your behaviors contributing to the conflict. Relationships generally cannot be fixed by one person making changes. Each person may start by working on individual issues separately through individual counseling, but ultimately, repairing a relationship is a collaborative process.

Also, note that when domestic violence occurs in the relationship, the first concern needs to be safe; utilizing resources in your community that provide support to survivors of domestic violence can help avoid escalating violence.

Identifying relationship strengths

In a discussion about fixing relationships, it may seem irrelevant to identify the relationship strengths. Still, the reality is that, especially in long-term relationships, both partners have overcome obstacles and value the other person's characteristics. When relationships are struggling, it can be challenging to remind oneself why the relationship had been successful in the past, but even when upset with a partner, recognizing what they bring to the relationship can help mend the relationship. Improving a relationship isn’t about just getting rid of problems, but it is also about increasing what is working on, focusing on the successes.

Should it be fixed?

One thing that can make relationships challenging at times is that individual people do change. We must allow our partner to change, but it is also necessary to be assertive with how the partner’s behavior affects you. Ultimately, each partner needs to determine whether the relationship should continue. Still, before giving up on a long-term relationship that had been joyful in the past, the couple may want to invest some time into couples’ therapy. In many cases, even practicing more effective ways of communicating can help repair the relationship. The problems in the relationship usually do not come from one person, so it is not reasonable to expect that one person will rescue the relationship. Ultimately, whether the relationship can become more gratifying can depend on the willingness of both partners.