Can Relationships Survive Cheating?

Understanding the effects of cheating

Infidelity in a relationship can be devastating. For one, it may cause the partner to feel inadequate, unlovable, unwanted, or unattractive. Cheating can also lead to embarrassment and self-blaming, as well as a sense of insecurity. Women may be more devastated by emotional infidelity while men may be more devastated by sexual infidelity, but regardless of the type of cheating (cheating does not always involve sexual behaviors), the relationship can become strained.

Why it happened

Cheating is a choice, and one partner cannot make another person cheat. For relationships to have a chance of surviving, it is necessary for the person who cheated to take responsibility. The person who cheated should also evaluate and work on the reasons for the infidelity.

Rebuilding trust

If the couple chooses to try to save their relationship, it is necessary that both partners understand that trust will likely take time to reenter the relationship. This may be especially true when the partner who cheated engaged in those behaviors over an extended period of time and used premeditation and frequent deception to prevent his or her partner from knowing.

Rebuilding trust will likely involve the person who cheated is very transparent with where he or she is going, who he is talking to or messaging on the phone, and how he is spending his time. The person who cheated needs to understand that, while it may be irritating being asked to allow your partner to read your text messages or being told that it is not acceptable to go out with friends after work, the partner should not be expected to assume that there is no longer cause to be concerned. If he or she doubted that you would cheat in the first place, now there will be fear that it could happen again, and it may take a long time for that fear to subside.

Receiving help

Someone who has been cheated on in a relationship, when determining whether to continue with the relationship or how to do so, may want to seek mental health treatment. Marriage counseling can be an effective tool for allowing each partner to express their feelings and work on improving communication and trust in the relationship, but because being cheated on can be so distressing, affecting one’s sense of self-worth, individual therapy can also be helpful to begin to emotionally recover as well.