Sexuality

Hello mk,

I imagine that the confusion you must be feeling right now in regards to your recent breakup is hard to navigate; especially as you still feel the love for your girlfriend and the doubt in your decision. Being in a homosexual relationship in secret from your religious family is a lot of weight to carry; not being able to share all of your life that you want to with those that you love and care about. When we are in difficult situations it sometimes leads us to look for ways out because we think it will be easier that way, not that it is easy to end a relationship by any means or that this was an easy decision for you to make.

You mentioned that you were nit picking more and tend to self-sabotage and that is why I mention "looking for ways out." It sounds like you do have love for your girlfriend and care for her, and you feel there are a lot of things in life that seem to be working against you in that regard. Maybe this question will help you: If you were to eliminate the possibility of others not accepting your sexuality, what would that change about your relationship with your girlfriend? Would you still see problems in the relationship that you do not think can be fixed? 

I understand that coming out is not something to be taken lightly, it is a big step in life that is empowering and scary at the same time. Therefore, I also understand why you want to make sure you are coming out at the right time. You stated that it is not worth coming out because the relationship is not perfect. What if you made your reasoning for coming out about you and being all of who you are?

When it is all said and done, I feel it is helpful to find the solution that brings you the most peace. In your case that could be getting back together with your girlfriend, trying another relationship with a man, waiting for another relationship to come around that makes you feel like the time is right to come out, etc. When it comes to making the "right" decision, I encourage you to pay special attention to what is the driving force behind that decision; emotional impulse/fight or flight or calm/rational/logical/peaceful.

I hope that this was helpful and I wish you all of the best. I am glad that you reached out.