Why attachment is bad?

Attachment, as a theory, refers to the emotional bond that people form with others. It is an important part of life and how we, as humans, relate and empathize with one another. Attachment is not necessarily “bad.” However, there are such things as insecure attachments and well codependent attachments.

To better understand the less “healthy” ways that people form attachments, it is important to understand what a “healthy” attachment looks like in the first place. A secure attachment refers to an attachment/emotional bond where the person feels confident in their relationship(s). They know they can rely on the other person or people around them and even feel comfortable reaching out for comfort or support from those in their lives. Conversely, an insecure attachment can involve someone not feeling very confident in themselves or their relationships. This might be someone who thinks that they cannot be relied on or that others cannot be trusted within their relationships. People with insecure attachments or attachment styles might become distressed easily within their relationships. They might even push others away from them out of perceived or intense fear of abandonment.

Another thing to consider is what might be referred to as a codependent attachment, where the person is too reliant on those around them for emotional stability or support. A good way to categorize what a “healthy attachment” is in the first place is to use the old phrase, “I don’t need you, but I want you.” Feeling as though one “emotionally” needs someone around to feel stable is a red flag that a codependent attachment occurs or forms. The desire to connect and establish emotional bonds with others is perfectly normal and human. However, other people cannot be responsible for the overall well-being of others. They can play a part in providing support, understanding, and even help when things get rough. But, whether or not the person is actually maintaining a relationship with us should not be the defining factor of whether or not we are allowed to be “happy” or feel secure at any given moment.

As stated before, attachment is not bad. It’s good to feel an emotional bond with others, and it helps us grow as individuals. However, not all attachments are good, consistent, or healthy. It is here where we need to take a minute to analyze our own attachments to others and determine if we need to readjust or work on how we form connections with others.