Will Relationships Never Work?

You are capable of finding a happy relationship. To do so, we first must have a happy relationship with ourselves. We must recognize our value and show others what we recognize. At the same time, we also must show a partner that we value them.

Questions for Consideration

If you tend to find yourself in relationships that never work, here are some questions you could ask yourself:

1. Are you ready for a relationship? (Again, making sure that our mental health is stable can be important. Are you rushing into a relationship to fill a certain void, like the ending of another relationship, the death of a loved one, etc.)?
2. What do you offer in a relationship? Think about what you bring to the table rather than focusing on what you hope to get out of a relationship. Working on self-esteem, such as participating in therapy, may be useful if you can't think of anything.
3. How do you deal with conflict? When there have been arguments in prior relationships, do you avoid the issue? Do you become aggressive? Do you become passive-aggressive?
4. How strong of a listener are you? Being a good active listener is important.
5. How do you express your thoughts and feelings? It is also important to let others know what you are thinking and feeling. Not doing this can keep others from getting close to you and you to them.
6. Are your expectations realistic? Are you focused on looking for the perfect person and, in the process, missing out on opportunities for satisfying relationships?
7. Is your picker broken? Do you tend to pursue relationships with those who are unhealthy partners? If so, you may want to explore in therapy your history of past relationships and some of your beliefs about others that you may have acquired as a young child.
8. Do you show affection? Most people find it important in relationships to feel that they receive regular affection and be reminded that they are wanted.
9. What would a relationship that worked look like?
10. Are you meeting others with interests, hobbies, and life goals that are consistent with your own?

Conclusion

The questions above can help you to begin to examine why relationships may not be working for you. It can also be helpful to process some of your answers with a therapist. By changing the way we think about ourselves and relationships, we all have the ability to improve the quality of our relationships.